LOVE

Love is such a wondrous thing,
it makes the spirit soar and the soul sing.
Me and you are meant to be,
the Love we have has set me free.
From chains encased, from depths below,
the Love I feel can only grow.
Like a simple bud brought into bloom,
petals unfold, a flower emerges from the gloom.
The weight I felt, bearing down,
has gone away, has gone to ground.
I'm flying high above the clouds,
like a beautiful bird, away from the crowds.
You hold my hand, we are as one,
together we fly over land and ocean.
And when we come back down to earth,
your arms encase me and hold me close.
Don't ever let me fly away!
I'm forever yours and here to stay.
So take my hands and hold them tight,
because this Love is oh, so right.

Written by Shelley Skinner 25/09/08

PS. Many thanks to Jason Paul Tolmie for the use of his Lovely photograph!

A TRIP DOWN MEMORY LANE

Boats at West Bay Harbour

Well this will be my first 'proper' blog post I suppose. I hope it turns out ok. I wanted to write down what has happened over the last few days. On thursday 18th I was busy going about my daily business when suddenly my back hurt, and when I say hurt it was fucking killing me, just like that! No twinges, no aches just full on mind numbing, crying out in tears PAIN! I panicked, I cried, I phoned Mark and cried down the phone, I couldn't move, I couldn't breathe without it hurting. Oh my god I thought, I won't be able to take my trip down the Dorset to visit my mum's grave! I might even have to go to hospital! Well I managed to sort Matthew out his lunch and take him to Nursery, I don't actually know how I managed that! Mark came home early around 2.30pm and after taking some painkillers, I took myself off to bed. I tried to sleep but no, the pain was excruciating, so I lay there hoping and praying that it would be better by tomorrow as I had a four hour plus drive infront of me.

After a very painful and disturbed nights sleep, I awoke in the morning and felt alot better. My back was still painful but not quite as much as it was on the Thursday. Thank god! I thought. So I went about doing some last minute ironing and packing my small case. Then me and Matthew had lunch and I took him to Nursery. When I got back I literally threw my cases in the car and I was off! The first half of the journey from Margate to the Leatherhead area of the M25 and down part of the M3 was without problems, but when I was just past Winchester, oh shit! there was a terrible traffic jam. I hate sitting in traffic! Well after what seemed like forever, but in reality was probably only about half an hour, it cleared and I saw that the problem was due to an accident. Once I got to the A31 it became slow again due to it being Friday evening and the rush hour, so the last leg of the journey I mainly crawled along until I came into Bridport. I arrived about 6.15pm and had left at 1.00pm!

After settling in and unpacking etc, headed off for a bite to eat at the local Weatherspoons in Bridport town. Very nice and very cheap! Pork loin steaks with yummy apple sauce, chips and peas and a large glass of Rose to wash it all down. I had an early night, took my painkillers and fell asleep whilst watching a dvd around 10.00pm, snuggled up in my duvet. It was so cosy, it felt like being wrapped up in someone's Loving arms ;). The next morning I stopped at the local supermarket and picked up some Lovely flowers for my mum's grave, and then proceeded to the Church where my mum is buried. It was such a Lovely, sunny day, in fact it was a beautiful day. I put my flowers down on her grave and left my poem that I had written inside a card, there too. Had a walk around the churchyard and inside the church to write in the visitor's book. Sat down for a while and took some pictures and had a chat to a nice lady who was arranging the flowers inside the church. After leaving the church went down to West Bay and had a walk around the harbour and down to the beach. I decided I would walk up (or rather crawl!) East Cliff and my god, it's so bloody steep! I made it eventually, huffing and puffing and stopping more than once before I made it to the top. Once at the top I sat and looked out over West Bay, it's so beautiful and the sea and sky were so blue that day. I sat and reflected, and thought about my mum and how much I missed her and also thought about all the special people I have in my life now and just how much they mean to me! There was a soft breeze which felt wonderful on my skin as it was quite warm! I took loads of photographs and felt very happy just being there. Then I attempted the descent! It was a bit scary if I'm honest, I thought I would trip and tumble over and over all the way to the bottom and end up in a heap of broken arms and legs! But that didn't happen and I had done it many times before, but each time it seems to get harder and harder. I went back down to the harbour and had a wander around the shops looking for something to buy as a souvenir of my trip and then found a wonderful stall set up just by the harbour. A photographer and painter was selling his work of photographs and paintings from West Bay and I decided I would Love to get a couple to hang on my walls back home. So I went and got an ice cream and some money from the cashpoint first and sat on the harbour wall to eat it. (My ice cream not the money)! lol. When my ice cream was no more, I went back to the stall to choose my photographs. I took forever to choose the ones that I wanted but decided eventually. I will just add that when I woke up on the Saturday morning my back felt great and there was no pain whatsoever. Well basically thats the most interesting parts of my trip, I have left out a fair bit but don't want to bore anyone. All I can say is that I had a most wonderful and Lovely time and it was very, very special to me. I hope I can do it again one day soon. The drive home was without trouble, clear roads and I took it very easy 60/70 mph most of the way. When there is no need to hurry, then its much more enjoyable taking it easy and less taxing on the body than bombing along at 90 mph.

I'd just like to say thank you to the few people that made it possible for me to take this trip. You know who you are and thanks millions! It will never be forgotten. : )

Shelley 23/09/08

MY MUM

I am your daughter who you Loved as a girl,
who watched me grow up, who knew me so well,
you Loved me like no other Love in the world,
I grew up a women and you were so proud,
of the things that I did and the things that I didn't!
I watched you grow older, I watched you retire,
and move from the place that you Loved so much,
to follow the man that you Loved even more,
to be able to hear those waves lap by the shore,
then came a time you said you were sick,
a darkness had come to infest you and spread,
it was fast, it was rotten, it was evil and quick,
the doctors they came, the doctors they looked,
they prodded and poked and the blood that they took,
"It's cancer they said, it's cancer right there, look see,
these blood cells are weak, they don't work well at all,
but we can help you my dear",
They gave you some poison, pumped it into your veins,
it spread through your body, it killed all your hair,
but you grew stronger and brighter, your cheeks became red,
"The cancer has gone dear, time to get out of that bed".
My baby was born and my god you were proud,
You'd become a grandmother, you had a purpose right now,
to live and get stronger, to fight and survive,
to get yourself fit again, to continue your life.
But the pain it came back and the suffering began,
the doctors were wrong, it was never your blood,
"We found some darkness on your liver" they said,
"We are so sorry, it must have spread,
not from your blood though, but from your lungs,
a tiny black tumor, we also found,
but we can't take it out, no, it's not too long now,
maybe two years is the time you have left,
a little time maybe to watch as he grows,
the baby you Love so much, from his head to his toes",
But how they were wrong, how they pumped you with drugs,
the chemo, the radiotherapy, it was never enough,
your body grew weak, it just couldn't cope,
you laid in your bed, you gave up all hope,
we came down to see you, to make you smile,
and when we had gone, it wasn't a while,
it wasn't a year or even two,
only a few months had passed since the cancer returned,
and before we could visit again, before we could say,
"I Love you dear Mummy, please don't go away!",
your body gave up, your body gave in,
your soul it departed, you breath became thin.
We saw you lying so still but not there,
you'd gone up to Heaven?, who knows, do we care?
and now you have gone, to be no-more.
Five years have passed now, and I still Love you dear,
I miss you each day and I long to hear,
your voice saying "Shelley, I Love you my girl",
but its only in dreams and not so vivid now,
so sleep well dear Mummy and please rest in peace,
I Love you my Mummy.
The tears oh they flow down my face as I write,
but I can never let go, I can never forget,
just remember you well, goodbye and god bless,
sleep well and sleep tight.

Written by Shelley Skinner 29/08/08

RIP Mum 19th September 2003

Below is a poem that I found many years ago on the internet. The Author is unknown.

I ONLY WANTED YOU

They say memories are golden,
well maybe that is true.
I never wanted memories,
I only wanted you.
A million times I needed you,
a million times I cried.
If Love alone could have saved you,
you never would have died.
In life I Loved you dearly,
In death I Love you still.
In my heart you hold a place,
no one could ever fill.
If tears could build a stairway,
and heartache make a lane.
I'd walk the path to heaven,
and bring you back again.
Our family chain is broken,
and nothing seems the same.
But as God calls us one by one,
the chain will link again.

THE DARKNESS WITHIN

The darkness within,
envelopes my soul.
The darkness within,
begins to take its toll.
The darkness within,
eats into my heart.
The darkness within,
tears my insides apart,
The darkness within,
sinks its teeth into my mind.
The darkness within,
starts to become entwined.
The darkness within,
batters down my will.
The darkness within,
finds my blood and lets it spill.
The darkness within,
destroys my every being.
The darkness within,
eventually stops me seeing.
The darkness within,
Slowly takes my life away.
The darkness within,
saves me for another day.

Written by Shelley Skinner 11/09/08

A SCAR IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THE WORD IS MADE FLESH.

My Back showing my scar

Shelley's neck is twisted and tight,
gonna make it unbearable sleeping tonight.
The pills help a little, but not a great deal,
only dulls it a tad, the pain that I feel.
It comes and it goes and then stays for a while,
It's horrid, it's deep, it's raw and it's vile.
Why am I inflicted, why do I feel sore,
it's a knife in my back, this distress I abhor.
I wonder how life could end up so cruel,
my back is my weakness, no longer a tool.
I no longer stand proud, I no longer stand straight,
I wish and I hope that this pain will abate.
But as for now, I live with it still,
it's MY body, MY pain and so very real.

Written by Shelley Skinner 05/09/08

A KITE OF MANY COLOURS

Red, Pink, Gold and Blue,
are some of the colours that describe you.
RED is your determination to push and survive,
to beat all the demons you have whilst alive.
PINK is your skin so soft to the touch,
but it hides the pain that you suffer so much.
GOLD are the stars that twinkle and shine,
in your eyes when you dream, they are simply divine.
BLUE is your mind, so calm and so chilled,
but the thoughts locked inside, could be tragedies willed.
The colours they show all that you can achieve,
if you look, learn and listen and truly believe.

Written by Shelley Skinner 03/09/08

A TRUE FRIEND

You are truly an inspiration Jason,
Never have I met,
Such a man as you,
Even if you are a bit strange too ; ),
The words you say, the words you write,
have such power, have such might,
I breath them in, I suck them down,
I spit them out, in a different form,
And now I write, from my own hand,
Poems Lovely, sad and bland.

Written by Shelley Skinner 02/09/08

SISTER WITH CHILD

You are about to have a baby,
Definitely no buts or maybes,
Into labour you will go,
Just hope its not too slow,
And when you think you can't take no more,
Baby pops out and Andy faints on the floor!

Written by Shelley Skinner 02/09/08